'M' is 52 000 words I wrote in 2022, although I have to say that the story does feel (and is) unfinished. It is a tale of self discovery, some may say 'awakening' and it's words I wish younger me had read...but then I wouldn't be what I am NOW. I think perhaps 'mistakes' have the ability to shape us more than success. It's also a love story. And, I quite possibly wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for M, the person who gave me something to live for at a time when quite frankly, life was painful AND pointless. Writing 'M' is a story in itself. After seeing him - him undeniably rescuing me from my self-destruction/depression/desperation - I was compelled to get the story 'M' down (or ON my laptop), switching my phone off for about three months to do it (actually his advice). Maybe just mad words (my insecurity) but it's my love story or part of it because I had no idea of the experiences I would be catapulted into after.
As it stands, the story consists of a narrative + emails (snails) from Betty to Snoopy, Jessie and M's higher selves as well as the unedited emails I did actually send to M in the early years of our 'relationship' and drafted emails I wrote in periods of no contact. Relationship is not the right word - the bond I have with M is otherworldly. It always felt like he could hear my words even when I hadn't clicked send. It's written in third person because it felt easier to write about myself using the name I wanted as a child. It is a true story.
I'd rather crawl under a rock than attempt to share it again. Alas, part of me still believes that this story is our mission.
I can not love anyone else in the same way. He knew me before we even met. It sounds romantic, it's NOT (always), we've also torn each other to pieces over the years but that's served the purpose of re-building ourselves better. The love, respect and understanding for one another is stronger than any outburst of emotion AND actions have always spoken louder than words. Me being the wordy one and him being action man.
I care about expressing myself because it's who I am. So, apologies to the people who don't believe in magic, you will never know how I feel. I don't NEED to tell anyone, I don't NEED to convince you of anything extraordinary. In other words, I don't need validation. This all being said, a small part of me wants to be acknowledged because every word of it happened - as well as, so much that's unwritten, too sacred to share.
Maybe the words (and pics) aren't meant to be a story at all but just an expression of my love and that is more than enough.
As it stands, the story consists of a narrative + emails (snails) from Betty to Snoopy, Jessie and M's higher selves as well as the unedited emails I did actually send to M in the early years of our 'relationship' and drafted emails I wrote in periods of no contact. Relationship is not the right word - the bond I have with M is otherworldly. It always felt like he could hear my words even when I hadn't clicked send. It's written in third person because it felt easier to write about myself using the name I wanted as a child. It is a true story.
I'd rather crawl under a rock than attempt to share it again. Alas, part of me still believes that this story is our mission.
I can not love anyone else in the same way. He knew me before we even met. It sounds romantic, it's NOT (always), we've also torn each other to pieces over the years but that's served the purpose of re-building ourselves better. The love, respect and understanding for one another is stronger than any outburst of emotion AND actions have always spoken louder than words. Me being the wordy one and him being action man.
I care about expressing myself because it's who I am. So, apologies to the people who don't believe in magic, you will never know how I feel. I don't NEED to tell anyone, I don't NEED to convince you of anything extraordinary. In other words, I don't need validation. This all being said, a small part of me wants to be acknowledged because every word of it happened - as well as, so much that's unwritten, too sacred to share.
Maybe the words (and pics) aren't meant to be a story at all but just an expression of my love and that is more than enough.
'M'
Do you believe in something you can't see? If so, there's a slight possibility you'd be open-minded enough to believe in the alchemy of my experience. Perhaps also, you know me personally - that might help.
Finally, if I didn't have his support, I would not be publishing this website.
Finally, if I didn't have his support, I would not be publishing this website.