Here's where I'd like to share why I decided to train to become a coach.

In short, I have suffered. Physically and mentally. Physically, I don't think anything will ever come close to have little needles inserted into my eyelids to pop scar tissue after a God awful NHS surgery left the oil ducts damaged. I've also dealt with a fair share of trauma - which without going into detail, left invisible scars.

From a very young age, I didn't want to be here. As in living. I was a bit nerdy and mildly bullied as a 'swot'. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, developed an eating disorder and I distinctly recall being in class one day and telling my friend that I felt like I was slowly dying. Indeed, alive but not LIVING. Digressing, nor is LIVING drinking champagne and wearing designer clothes (etc) - living is being fully present to the experience of life. Actually tasting an apple rather than inhaling it.

I had probably my first profound spiritual experience in a Franciscan monastery as a teen. I vowed to get married in their outdoor chapel actually! I loved it that much. The simplicity of life and worshipping nature was endearing.
 
Then I fell in love with music and it soon became a route of escapism with all that's involved in the dance music scene. 

I started Astanga Yoga in uni and that supported near mental breakdowns as I struggled to complete my degree, wasting away (literally and metaphorically) and a very good friend of mine also died. I had another profound spiritual experience at her funeral. My card had an image of a butterfly on the front and when I gave it to my friend's mum, she told me that a butterfly had been in the room where Vicky's casket had been. I later learned that butterflies are symbolic of the soul. That death shook me. Vicky had been fully alive and I was a walking corpse.

Fast forward to London when I became a school teacher and Yoga teacher, I made EVERY mistake possible in a long-term relationship. Looking back NOW, I was never present in that relationship either. I just superglued myself to someone that entertained me. I was afraid to be alone. Afraid to see myself and to look at everything I'd shoved down all my life.

Then I met somebody who sparked change within me. And that's when the REAL hashtag healing began. AND, it was not pretty.

NOW, I don't like to focus on the past BUT it has shaped who I am today - a more whole being, aware of the polarities of life + how to collapse them.

Coaching focuses on the future. I think the past must be acknowledged but living in the present and developing tools for the future is wiser. Going on a journey, you would not think about what you packed yesterday as much as what you needed today.

This is a slice of my story that I can stomach to share. Bittersweet.